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These are all things, she says, that she has experienced since she realized at age four or five she was attracted to women. And on a separate occasion, by the owner of a bar . Not given the state our world is in with its blatant bigotry and sexism.") When she's tried to break this down, she's kept coming back to her bisexuality.
Her suicide attempt at 22 "was, weirdly, the best-worst thing that ever happened to me. "It was always talked about like a phase or something stupid, or something you were doing for attention," she says. And I didn't realize how damaging that was until I tried to have healthy relationships as an adult and realized that there was still all this shame and conditioning and stigma around my sexuality that was really affecting the way I related to people.
"I couldn't handle all the attention when I was younger, but I feel like I'm in a place where I'm not going to collapse under the pressure."Dolores, a heroine who seems poised to drop her damsel-in-distress trappings and be actually heroic (or as Wood puts it, "bad-ass"), is a different type of role for an actor whose career has largely trafficked in shock factor or subversiveness or both.
She has since referred to herself as gender-fluid, and in 2011 came out publicly as bisexual.
"I met somebody that promised freedom and expression and no judgments," she says. I looked at my mother one day and said, ' Mom, I'm gonna get on this tour bus for eight months and see the world and have a crazy journey and find myself, and if people aren't OK with that, I'm sorry, but I can't live my life for other people.' "Turns out people weren't really OK with that, mostly because of the colossal mindfuck that was just looking at Wood and Manson together.
But for Wood it was a learning experience of the highest order.
"I had my son, and that changed everything," she tells me. I just couldn't be what I was not." Since then, she's tried to find comfort in the gray areas, to feel at home floating in the middle of the spectrum rather than moored safely at either end.
"We are conditioned in certain ways, and it's a journey to break that conditioning, and I think that's been a lot of my journey, honestly."It also happens to be Dolores' journey, which means that the horror and chaos the character faces, the realizations she has, and the fight to escape her circumstances – which happens in her head as much as anywhere else – feel very much like Wood's.
Former child star fought bad romances and anti-LGBTQ prejudice before channeling her craziness into paranoid-android role – and rebooting her life It's raining something biblical in Nashville, coming down like vengeance between the roadway signs for chicken wings and Jesus and Donald Trump. When Wood first met with showrunners Jonathan Nolan and Lisa Joy, she wasn't told much of what would happen to her character, but she was told a lot about the world in which it would happen and the existential questions Dolores would pose – both to herself and the viewers. Which means that today, wearing inconspicuous black in a town where she recently moved knowing almost no one, the single mom is currently the highest-ranked star on IMDb, even if she still might best be known for dating Marilyn Manson a decade ago.