Dating lost spark
There’s an apocryphal story about President Coolidge and his wife visiting an experimental government farm that specialized in developing new approaches to efficiency. Coolidge were taken on separate tours, and when Mrs. ” “Oh no,” said the guide, “it’s a different hen every time.” “Please tell that to Mrs. It’s an old joke but one with a kernel of truth in it: mammals have an instinctual need for novelty when it comes to sex.Coolidge came to the chicken yard, she noticed that the rooster was vigorously mating with the hens. Male rats, after having mated with the receptive females housed with it will show a decreased interest in sex, even when the females are still interested.It was the rush of overcoming a difficult trial that helped bring couples closer together by incorporating their partner’s skills and abilities into their own.Much like how arousing the central nervous system can be misattributed to sexual arousal, the glow of satisfaction from beating a challenge gets partially misattributed to the presence of one’s partner.For many couples this sudden realization that that you’ve crossed the sex/sleep threshold is a mark that your relationship is now in a permanent downward spiral and the only thing that’s left is shuffling through Costco together like a pair of consumerist zombies looking for a bulk discount on everything that you’re going to be using to fill the void that was your relationship.The death of passion in a long-term relationship is one of the biggest killers of relationships because we associate it with being bored.That initial rush of passion that had you banging out on every flat surface in the house and made every vaguely empty space a potential fuckstop starts to wane and you’re finding yourselves passing on fucking like greased weasels on meth in exchange for catching up on Almost Human and getting an early night’s sleep and the dawning realization that you have become everything you swore you never would.
By taking a break from one another, you’re disrupting the expected pattern of your routine.It’s the age old joke that sleeping with the same person for the rest of your life is the equivalent of eating the same frozen hamburger for every meal for all eternity while all of your single friends are zipping out to gastropubs and eating multiple delicious entrees in combinations that stand in defiance of the laws of God and Man. While that initial honeymoon stage of the relationship fade in order to form a bond that is deeper and more intimate as the two of you become closer and intertwine your lives together, it doesn’t mean that you can’t still live it up like a couple of horny teenagers at the start of a slasher movie.It’s enough to fog over all those times you ranted about how much you hated the dating scene and you begin to reminisce the days when we were single and the world was our surprisingly open-minded oyster. A long term relationship doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to watch the spark fade away. One of the biggest mistakes that couples make is that they put the emphasis in their long-term maintenance on romance – date nights at romantic restaurants for candle-lit dinners and soft music, trying to remind themselves of what it was like when things were new. You want to do things that get your heart racing, kick your adrenal glands into overdrive and get your central nervous system engaged.As a result, it can feel as though there’s nothing new; you know each other so well that you can practically read one another’s minds and predict their reactions with 100% certainty.So how do you overcome this level of familiarity and bring back that feeling of seeing her for the first time? Psychologists at the University of North Carolina studying long-term relationships have found that couples who overcame difficult trials that challenged their skills felt closer and more attracted to one another than those who simply spent time together.
By successfully challenging yourselves, you begin to condition yourselves to associate those feelings with your partner, not just the thrill of accomplishment.