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After his ancient hands had wandered where they ought not to have been, he stammered: ‘You c-can s-stay to dine with us if you wish, but you will be expected to s-sing for your s-supper.’ His meaning was unmistakeable. ‘Hmmmm,’ he said, dragging on a cigarette as if his life depended on it and exhaling a cloud of smoke that seemed to engulf me.‘You are younger than I expected,’ he said in that clipped staccato voice used by a legion of imitators. ’It was about the worst chat-up line I had ever heard, and I had by then heard a few. Was it really conceivable that he expected me to enter into a liaison with ‘an ancient Chinese madam’ — his own description — and someone whose ears, from certain angles, resembled Dumbo the elephant?
I had no intention of ‘singing for my supper’, and pleaded a prior engagement. Trying not to laugh in the great man’s face, I looked down. Embarrassed and irritated, I was forced to set boundaries between us.
But I promised to return if he would do me the kindness of introducing me to Noël Coward, who was staying in the same hotel. He nodded, sighed and walked into the drawing-room of the suite.
He agreed, and Coward, universally known as ‘The Master’, asked me to go up to his suite, where he emerged tall, with a hairless dome of a skull, huge Toby-jug ears, nicotine-stained teeth and heavy-lidded eyes. With time, I gained some respect and sympathy for him.
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But the downside of acquiring any form of celebrity is that it separates a man or a woman from the rest of society, often resulting in isolation, insecurity and a gnawing loneliness.